Crazed kangaroo tries to drown man, dog

November 24, 2009

Following March’s lunatic ninja kangaroo attack, Australia’s marsupial population appears to have developed aquatic kung-fu skills, ABC News reports.

Chris Rickard, 49, of Arthur’s Creek, Victoria, inadvertantly surprised a sleeping ‘roo, which immediately sprang into the nearest body of water.

Rickard’s canine companion, Rocky, failed to suppress his instincts and gave chase, but was immediately bogwashed for his trouble.

Caring naught for the consequences, the valorous Victorian waded into the billabong in an attempt to rescue his pooch, but was rewarded with deep gashes to his abdomen and a visit to the local A&E.

“I thought I might take a hit or two dragging the dog out from under his grip, but I didn’t expect him to actually attack me,” an incredulous Rickard told ABC News from his hospital bed.

“They [Kangaroos] don’t go around killing people,” Rickard said, adding: “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to watch Skippy quite the same.”

Rocky, being a dog, was of course completely unharmed.

Belgrade kangaroo killed in hit-and-run

October 6, 2009

Belgrade zoo lost two of its kangaroos last Wednesday, one to a hit-and-run driver, Associated Press reports.

Serbian police were alerted to the escaped ‘roo, but arrived to find it dead, the apparent victim of a traffic accident.

“Unfortunately, there was nothing we could do,” shrugged senior officer Zeljko Perosevic.

Later that day, bewildered authorities were summoned to Belgrade zoo to investigate the death of yet another kangaroo. An intruder had evidently scaled the wall of the marsupials’ enclosure, slain the mother and made off with the joey.

The deaths come a year after a female kangaroo took fright at an emu, dropped her infant and refused it any further access to her pouch. It is not known whether it was the same macropods who perished in this year’s incident.

According to a recent study back home Down Under, kangaroos have caused over two thousand traffic accidents in the past decade. A human is treated for injuries sustained in just such an accident every three days.

As for the death toll among the marsupials themselves, a 2006 study found that kangaroos were killed at a rate of 0.03 animals per kilometer per day on a sample stretch of road in New South Wales.

The Road Kill Café — motto: “You kill it, we grill it” — has recently expanded into Australia from its native Montana. Whether they intend to open a branch in downtown Belgrade remains to be seen.