Eric the croc terrorises Aussie clotheshorse

August 18, 2009

In further crocodile news, Miss Universe Australia had the pants scared off her by a 16ft (4.5m) crocodile named Eric, balanced and reliable Fox News reports.

Stunner [sic] Rachael Finch was visiting Crocodylus Park in Nothern Territory when the beast lunged at her.

“As soon as I saw him move I got nervous,” she told Northern Territory News. Nervousness rapidly gave way to abject horror as the scaly monster attempted to make her his lunch.

According to Ms Finch’s Facebook page, she and the crocodile are “not talking”. However, should Eric wish to discuss the matter, he faces an arduous swim from Darwin to the Bahamas, where the beauty queen is representing her country in the Miss Universe pageant.

Tiny crocodile terrorises airline passengers

August 18, 2009

A tiny crocodile terrified passengers aboard an Egypt Air flight from Abu Dhabi to Cairo BBC News reports.

The reptile, measuring a mere 30 cm in length, escaped carry-on luggage and wandered about the cabin, scaring passengers witless. Egyptian authorities quizzed the (human) passengers, yet none admitted carrying the creature aboard. The animal will be donated to a zoo.

As yet no-one seems to have raised the two pertinent questions: why, when the Nile is infested with the damn things, would you donate a crocodile to an Egyptian zoo? And who the hell is scanning the carry-on at AUH?

French village menaced by crocodile

July 2, 2009

The sleepy French village of Xertigny is on high alert following multiple sightings of a crocodile, Reuters reports.

Campaigning local newspaper L’Est Republicain has set up a webcam to record instances of the terrifying reptile crusing the local waterways, but has yet to capture anything more threatening than a water vole.

In the style of Parc Jurassique, a chicken has been tethered to a nerby fence in an effort to tempt the scaly monster from its lair, but the bird has so far eluded its jaws. Frustrated authorities are said to be considering draining the pool in a quest for answers.

“I think it’s carp,” said local angler Bruno Aime, to nods from the assembled reporters, moments before they checked their typing.

“[My amateurish homemade sonar] equipment doesn’t let you see the difference between a pike of a metre long and a caiman of 1.50 metres,” Aime shrugged.

Laughable tales of crocodilians patrolling the sewers of major urban centres were popular in the 20th century, yet may be grounded in fact. Indeed, if ancient Khmer art is any guide, such stories might have been more commonplace than we have thusfar dared to fear.