Algal blooms menace Pacific, Channel coasts

August 18, 2009

Recent news confirms the suspicions of hydrophobics everywhere: the oceans are revolting. Last month, the Anchorage Daily News reported a vast flotilla of marine gunk, the likes of which had never before been seen by residents. A “thick, dark, and gooey” mass drifted across the Arctic ocean, indiscriminately sullying pristine snowbound coasts and emerald icebergs alike in its inexorable advance toward Anchorage.

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Escaped flamingo eyeballed on Texas coast

August 18, 2009

A flamingo that fled the clutches of Sedgwick County Zoo, KA, has been photographed sojourning on the Gulf Coast, the Wichita Eagle reports.

The bird, one of a pair that escaped the zoo in June 2005, has been spotted a number of times since he slipped his captors. The other, blown northward by a storm, has proven more elusive, having been spotted only once, on Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, in 2008.

“It’s good to know that [the more southerly flamingo] is still doing well,” said Christan Baumer, spokeswoman for Sedgwick County Zoo.

The flamingoes were due a wing-clipping to prevent just such an escape, but their primaries proved too short for the procedure. Days before they were destined for the veterinarian’s knife, strong winds helped them aloft, and thence to freedom.

Eric the croc terrorises Aussie clotheshorse

August 18, 2009

In further crocodile news, Miss Universe Australia had the pants scared off her by a 16ft (4.5m) crocodile named Eric, balanced and reliable Fox News reports.

Stunner [sic] Rachael Finch was visiting Crocodylus Park in Nothern Territory when the beast lunged at her.

“As soon as I saw him move I got nervous,” she told Northern Territory News. Nervousness rapidly gave way to abject horror as the scaly monster attempted to make her his lunch.

According to Ms Finch’s Facebook page, she and the crocodile are “not talking”. However, should Eric wish to discuss the matter, he faces an arduous swim from Darwin to the Bahamas, where the beauty queen is representing her country in the Miss Universe pageant.

Tiny crocodile terrorises airline passengers

August 18, 2009

A tiny crocodile terrified passengers aboard an Egypt Air flight from Abu Dhabi to Cairo BBC News reports.

The reptile, measuring a mere 30 cm in length, escaped carry-on luggage and wandered about the cabin, scaring passengers witless. Egyptian authorities quizzed the (human) passengers, yet none admitted carrying the creature aboard. The animal will be donated to a zoo.

As yet no-one seems to have raised the two pertinent questions: why, when the Nile is infested with the damn things, would you donate a crocodile to an Egyptian zoo? And who the hell is scanning the carry-on at AUH?