Just say “No causal link”

January 27, 2009

Reefer not wholly to blame for madness

On Monday, the British Government announced the reclassification of cannabis from a “Class C” to a “Class B” controlled substance, leading to stiffer penalties for those found guilty of possession.  But is this reclassification based on scientific evidence, or is it, as the Liberal Democrats claim, mere posturing?

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Goat tops self in Canadian zoo

January 22, 2009

Swingball presents choking hazard

A Turkmenian markhor shuffled off its mortal coil last Friday when it became entangled in an “enrichment toy”. Staff at Calgary Zoo were alerted to the unfolding drama by a horrified visitor, but were slow to grasp the seriousness of the incident, telling Aubrey Williams: “Oh, they do that all the time”.

The endangered Himalayan goat had leaped from a log in its enclosure, strangling itself with a rope in the process.  Medics were unable to save the animal, despite administering “mouth-to-nose resuscitation and CPR”.

Whether the markhor was unhappily betrothed to a Sudanese man is not known.

(tvm: Tim)


The lobster’s off

January 20, 2009

Crusty crustacean dodges death by broth

A 140-year-old lobster named George, recently captured in Canadian waters, is to be set free by the restaurant that bought him, according to a Reuters report.  The methuselan malacostracan briefly served as a mascot at City Crab and Seafood, but will be tipped back into the icy depths following the intervention of PETA.

“We applaud the folks at City Crab and Seafood for their compassionate decision to allow this noble old-timer to live out his days in freedom and peace,” said Ingrid Newkirk of PETA.

“It seemed like the right thing to do,” added restaurant manager Keith Valenti.

Calculating a lobster’s age is an inexact science, but a rule of thumb (or perhaps claw) is that they pile on an additional pound every seven to ten years.  Incidentally, this makes me over 1270 in lobster years.

More than you ever wanted to know about lobsters can be found in a David Foster Wallace article for Gourmet Magazine.